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ETIQUETTE
TEN BASICS
Good etiquette is a way to say with all our actions that we are ready to train, and consent to being pushed and challenged. Every single thing you do in the dojo is a way to notice your etiquette. But here are ten basics to get you started:
1. Upon entering the dojo, a small standing bow toward the kamiza
2. Take off your shoes and put them away upon entering the dojo
3. Before getting on the mat, a seated bow toward the kamiza
4. While in class, call the teacher Sensei
5. Line up quietly a minute or two before class starts
6. When beginning class or when bowing in with a partner, we say onegaishimasu. This means please in Japanese, and connotes an attitude of service toward one another
7. Be present and focused during class
8. Take care of your body before class, so that you can stay in class the whole hour
9. If you need to leave the mat, tell Sensei first. To get back on the mat, bow and say onegaishimasu to be invited back on
10. Thank your training partners at the end of class
GOING DEEPER
All of this thanking and bowing and cleaning and considering your manners in the dojo is a way to remind yourself something that has nothing to do with proper behavior. We're trying to develop a sense of shoshin, or "beginner's mind." Without being open to the idea that you don't know, you can only learn what you already know, and that's not much fun.
This humility and openness to being taught is not etiquette! It's opening your heart so your brain gets out of the way. But etiquette is a good way to fake this until you make it.
To go deeper, notice how you do the things you do. How do you line up your shoes? How do you keep your clothes in the dressing room? If you are early, are you looking around for something to do to help the dojo, like folding towels or running over the mat with a dust mop?
Notice who comes up in you when you do anything in the dojo. Your inner critic; the part of you that gets helpless; the part that gets mad at the teacher; the fleeting sensation of pain that makes you believe you can't go on; that flooded feeling of boredom or overwhelm, the part that hates hierarchy or feels the etiquette is deeply unjust... those are all common strategies to avoid openness to training. They are totally normal.
Everything in the dojo, from conditioning and training itself to the hierarchy and the fact that there is only one way to fold a towel, is designed to make these parts of us leap up in protest so that we can study them. If something on this page brought up some big resistance in you, good! That is the point. Pay attention to that.
CAVEATS
It looks like etiquette is an expression of power dynamics or hierarchy, but its actual purpose is to help you push yourself.
The power or respect you give a teacher or senior student is yours to give, not theirs to wield. You can and must revoke your consent if you are persistently feeling unsafe or disrespected.
On the other hand, you cannot train deeply and learn something truly new without seeing parts of yourself that you are working hard not to see. Occasionally feeling distressed, angered, or offended is usually evidence that you're doing it right.
Whether you enjoy training with someone or not, they are making themselves vulnerable to you by training with you. That gesture is a gift. It's important to treat it as such, especially when it's challenging!
We train together. If I am protecting myself from my own training by being dull and unresponsive, cracking jokes, getting tangled in my inner critic, or whatever strategy I use... I am not just hurting myself. I am also degrading my partner's training.
Always come talk to me if you have any questions or concerns about your training.
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